Let’s talk about the foundation, the root, the very ground of speech before you even open your mouth. Let’s talk about that invisible something that is somehow palpable that is much more important than what you actually say. Let’s talk about PRESENCE.
What is presence? Energy? Charisma? Is it something that can be learned?
Yes, you can learn and practice ‘presence’ and there are five specific steps which you can follow.
Only 5-7% of our message comes in the words that we speak – the other 93-95% of our message is in our presence…our voice…our body language. You can read more about this communication research in Albert Mehrabian’s book ‘Silent Messages’.
When you’re speaking at the wedding, here is the first step you can take to express your most powerful presence. I call it the speaker’s ‘X factor’. It is simply a self-reminder before and during your talk. That reminder is that all people, including yourself, desire deep down to be seen and heard and to connect. At some point in our lives, most of us are told to be quiet, not to brag, to get out of the way, or to somehow stuff our full expression to make those around us more comfortable. Standing in front of a group with the inner attitude of “I WANT YOU TO SEE ME – I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME – I WANT TO CONNECT WITH YOU” will strengthen your presence. You want to audience to focus on you, not for your sake, but for the sake of creating the most powerful moment possible. That moment is created with focused attention on you, on connecting with you and your message.
In 1992, I attended a master class with Paul Gleason, the director then of the Los Angeles Musical Theatre Workshop. What he said regarding this principle went in deep and has stuck with me since then. He said as he’s auditioned hundreds of actors, he can tell if he’s interested or if they have ‘talent’ even before they open their mouths to audition. He said that ‘talented’ actors shout without words, with their whole being, “Look at me! Listen to me! I have something important to say”. They love people to look and listen. They love to experience powerful moments. They thrive on it. Claim this desire in yourself without shame. Admit unabashedly that you want to be seen and heard and to connect and you will magnetise your audience.
The second step is simply to BREATHE. When we breathe deeply and fully into our bellies, we automatically reduce our stress, feel more relaxed and connected. We are more resourceful, have more access to our intuition, and can think better on our feet. When we are nervous, we tend to forget this simple step and instead breathe shallowly up in our chests. Our bodies, deprived of full breath, become more anxious and we enter a vicious cycle leading to less presence. By breathing deeply and fully, we slow down our pace of speaking, but what we say often is more connected, more present and more powerful, and we feel better and happier as well!
The third step to powerful presence is visualizing yourself as a force of NATURE. I often use the sun for my visualisation. I imagine that I am the sun, hot and powerful and shining, radiating out in all directions, above, below, all around me. As I imagine the sun in my center, I imagine that it is giving out love and warmth and light to all around me, and soon, I begin to feel myself giving out love, warmth, and light to my audience. The sun is not shy and neither is it proud. The sun just is pure powerful light and presence. By imagining having the sun in my center, I strengthen my own presence. Other images I’ve used which work well are that of a solid mountain, a strong tree with deep roots and outstretched branches, and whatever other beings in nature which symbolize natural presence. By imagining yourself merging with those forces, you reinforce your sense of calm and poise as well as your presence.
The fourth step is EXTENDING YOUR ENERGY out to the audience. You are way more than your body, and as soon as you start to imagine that your energy is filling the whole space and reaching out to the audience in a visual form, you begin to expand your presence. You can use the image of sending lasar beams or rays of the sun, or perhaps filling the space with a pink mist or throwing out confetti with your energy. By visualizing something physically touching the audience and connecting with them, they will feel and sense you more and connect to what you’re saying.
The fifth step is keeping in mind all you have in common with your audience. You are all fellow journeyers through this experience called LIFE you all are on the same adventure with similar needs you all need to sleep, eat, love and be loved, you were all born, you will all die, you have all experienced the vast array of human emotions: fear, anger, sadness, joy, embarrassment. In short you are all fellow human beings…much more so than speaker and audience. When you EMBRACE EVERYONE with this perspective, including yourself, you will have more confidence, compassion, and presence. You will not tend to separate yourself – you will feel more connected.
I invite you to practice these steps and enjoy stretching into your fullest presence when you speak. Enjoy shining your presence. The more you enjoy yourself, the more they’ll enjoy you too. Enjoyment is contagious. Powerful presence is something everyone loves. You will be giving the gift of your presence, a gift greater than any words.
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