Do you avoid telling people things that they might not like to hear?
Do you soften your message to make it more pleasant?
Assertiveness is not a skill that you can take lightly. It is crucial to the success of many situations you will find yourself in, both at work and at home.
What does not speaking up cost you?
I can specifically remember one time my failure to speak up cost me $80,000. Not life-threatening...but still could have been avoided had I been more assertive.
In 1991, my husband at the time and I had sold our home in Boulder, Colorado,and we were looking for possible ways to invest the profit we’d made.
We were approached by a financial advisor, formerly a friend, who introduced us to a man named Billy who wanted to borrow $80,000 to invest in his bagel-making business. The return on our investment would be 15% interest, and Billy would start to pay us back within a couple months. The deal was supposedly secure, but when I met Billy the bagel-maker, I had an intuition that something was ‘off’. I didn’t speak up because I felt pressure from my husband and advisor to sign the loan papers.
Long story short, we never got back a cent of the $80,000 or the interest and learned an expensive lesson. Since then, I have committed to being more assertive when I sense a problem, even if it is inconvenient and uncomfortable.
Sometimes the cost of not speaking up can mean the difference between life and death.
Take the example of the three plane crash incidents cited by Malcolm Gladwell in his recent book, “Outliers: The Story of Success”.
Gladwell cites three dramatic examples of how failure to communicate assertively cost hundreds of people their lives. Although most of us are not pilots and copilots as in the following examples, the point is that it is critical for ALL of us to pay more attention to the clarity and directness of our communication.
The plane crashes involved three airlines: Korean Air, Avianca Airlines (from Colombia) and Air Florida. All three of these tragedies could have been prevented had the copilot spoken more assertively with the Captain and/or the Air Traffic Controller. In all three of these incidents, the copilot only HINTS that there is a major problem, hoping that the Captain will understand what he means. All of the crashes were due largely to someone’s hesitancy to speak strongly to a superior.
Jeffrey S. Nielsen, former excecutive consultant for Fortune 100 companies,in his book 'The Myth of Leadership' highlights research demonstrating people’s tendency to 'soften the truth' when delivering unpleasant news to anyone they perceive as a 'superior'.
Let’s look at a sample dialogue of one of the crashes.
In 1982, Air Florida, crashed into the icy Potomac River right outside Washington, DC
shortly after take-off. The first officer tried three times to tell the captain that the plane had a dangerous amount of ice on the wings, but he only spoke in 'HINTS'...not direct statements. Take a look at the actual dialogue captured from the 'black box' which is the voice recording device recovered from the plane after it had crashed into the river.
Copilot: "Look how the ice is just hanging on his, ah, back... back there, see that?"
(presumable referring to one of the engineers getting the plane ready for takeoff)
No response from the Captain. Then, a bit later:
Copilot: "See all those icicles on the back there and everything?"
Again no response from the Captain.
Then:
Copilot: "Boy, this is a, this is a losing battle here on trying to de-ice those things, it gives you a false feeling of security, that’s all that does."
At last, when they get 'clearance for takeoff', the copilot strengthens his communication from a 'hint' to a 'suggestion'.
Copilot:"Let’s check those (wing) tops again, since we’ve been sitting here awhile."
Captain: (seeming to ignore the copilot)
"I think we get to go here in a minute."
The final words of the first officer...just before the plane plunges into the Potomac River, is not a hint, not a suggestion, and not a command...it’s a simple fact...and this time the captain acknowledges him.
Copilot:Larry, we’re going down, Larry.
Captain: I know it.
Thankfully, in the past 15 years, commercial airlines have taken non-assertiveness seriously and instituted new training programs specifically designed to teach copilots to speak up and challenge a pilot when they think something is dangerous. They are required to seize control of the plane if the Captain ignores them.
Airlines now typically split the flying duties equally between the captain and copilot. Research has shown that crashes are far more likely when the captain is in the 'flying seat'. Planes are safer when the less experienced pilot is flying, because it means the second pilot isn’t going to be afraid to speak up!
So, how does this scenario relate to you, your life, and your work?
Are you happy with your current level of assertiveness? If not, what will you do to improve it?
If you ARE happy with how assertive are you, are you confident that those who work with you will speak up if there is a crucial situation that needs strong action?
If not, what can you do to support them?
I wish you renewed courage and commitment to communicate clearly and assertively in 2010 and beyond. This one skill could make a dramatic difference in your life and work.
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