Have you ever felt angry when someone wasn't giving you any space to express your point of view? Have you ever felt frustrated when someone was dominating the conversation and not seeming to be interested in what you might have to say?
If you answer 'yes' some or all of these questions, and would like some practical advice for overcoming your frustration, keep reading...
Here's an easy process you can use to help you feel more confident in changing the course of your meetings.
It will assist you in you transforming your frustration into constructive action. Rather than silently steaming or saying something in your impatience that you'll later regret, follow this five-step process for assertive speaking:
This process will increase your capacity to
assertively speak up, so others will listen rather than get defensive.
To remember the five steps, here's a memory-
enhancing phrase which you can use:
Beware or Feelings Will Really Rule! (BFWRR)
Step 1: B is for Behaviour
Step 2: F is for Feelings
Step 3: W is for Wants
Step 4: R is for Request
Step 5: R is for Result
Let's take an example of when stress might occur at your next meeting. Imagine the person leading the meeting is dominating the ‘air time’ and not giving you enough time and space to
respond or contribute.
Step 1:
B - The first step is to notice the behaviour that is triggering your discomfort. Summon up your courage to share your observation about that behaviour with the other person. Make an objective observation that is factual without any evaluation or interpretation added. For example,
"I’m noticing that you have been speaking for the past 15 minutes.”
Step 2:
F - Express the feeling that you have in response to
that behaviour:
"When you are talking without asking for a response
,I feel frustrated. (no blame… you are owning your own feelings)
Step 3:
W - State what you Want
"I would like a good sense of teamwork here."
Step 4:
R - Make a specific Request
"Will you please give us all time to respond to the
issues you raised?"
Step 5:
R - Communicate the positive Results you expect if the person
grants your request.
"If we can hear some opinions from others here, I feel we'll have more of a sense of cooperation and teamwork.
By using this process, you are more likely to get a positive
response than if you either
a. held in your anger and felt resentful or
b. blew up at the person in frustration
I realise this process takes courage and practice, so be easy on yourself as you're trying it out. As you get the feel for the five steps, you'll feel more and more confident asserting yourself.
Sally Mabelle c. 2009 - if you want to publish or print this article, please contact Sally for permission and include the following acknowledgement and link to my website:
by Sally Mabelle, The Voice of Leadership Specialist:inspiring clear, confident, and connected communication. www.sallymabelle.com
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