If I just google the word 'happiness', I get 78,000,000 results. It's obviously a hot topic.
Everyone keeps searching for happiness and obviously a lot of people haven't found it yet!
Do you ever get the feeling that you 'should' be somewhere else or with someone else, doing something else, perhaps 'bigger' and 'better'? That's a common feeling which keeps you from fully enjoying your OWN life as it is NOW.
Do you want to 'be somebody' or to do 'something significant'? How much of your current life are you passing over and taking for granted? Are you missing the preciousness of this moment NOW always in pursuit of something better tomorrow?
As an example, when I lived on the east coast of the United States, I used to dream of living in Hawaii. When I actually moved to Hawaii and had luxuriated in the sun and the sea for about a year, I began to miss the seasonal changes of the east coast and miss my extended family. When later, I moved to New Zealand, there was the promise of new life, new work, and a new adventure. Within several months however, when Auckland's rainy winter set in, I desperately missed the warmth of Hawaii.
When I had a full-time job, I used to dream of the freedom of self-employment. Now that I'm self-employed, I sometimes miss the steady salary and social connectedness of full-time employment. When does it stop? When does the wanting something other than we have stop?
Are you playing 'the waiting' game…constantly waiting for 'bigger and better'?
What if you decided to stop playing that game once and for all and to fully appreciate where you are NOW. How would you do that?
Marci Shimoff, motivational speaker and author of the 2008 book, 'Happy for No Reason', says that for most of us, happiness comes from having good relationships, success in our careers, financial security, or using our skills and talents to their fullest. It's the pleasure we get from having healthy things we want in our lives.
A more solid, secure level of happiness has nothing to do with these external things. True happiness is a neurophysiological state of well-being that isn't dependent upon anything external. If conditions change or are lost, then for most of us, our happiness goes too. But what if you were happy for no reason?
Marci gives us the image of happiness being the 'string' in a necklace. Imagine that our 'beads' in the necklace were our experiences. Some beads are 'positive' and some more 'challenging' or what we might think of as negative. If our foundation or constitution, or the string in the necklace analogy is 'happy', then no matter what kind of beads, or how many beads we have on that string, we’ll be happy.
Our inner experience, which is the string that runs through them all, is ultimately what is creating our happy life.
I'm reminded of a famous quote by American novelist and short story writer, Nathaniel Hawthorne He reminds us, "Happiness is as a butterfly, which when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
I heard another quote recently that follows this same theme: 'The bud of a rose is just as beautiful as the full bloom'…in other words, 'smell the roses along the way'…don't keep waiting to enjoy life at only at what you judge to be the 'full bloom' stage.
What if you took the attitude that you are ALREADY the star of your life…the main actor in your very OWN academy-award winning film… the main character in your Pulitzer-prize winning novel….. What if Paradise is not somewhere else (like in Hawaii) but ALWAYS exactly where you are at the moment. How different would your life be then?
So how do you begin to embrace your life NOW as it is?
I'll offer you two simple strategies which are NOT new…but which you cannot hear often enough! Those two strategies are GRATITUDE and MEDITATION.
One specific routine I've established with my son for the past few years is to ask him to say out loud three things he is grateful for before he goes to sleep at night. It's become a ritual which affirms for us that no matter what's going on in our life, we can always find at least three things to be grateful for. When he's had a 'bad' day, he can at least manage to say, "I'm glad I have a bed, I'm glad I have a roof over my head, and I'm glad I'm going to sleep now."
I recommend you try the 'three gratitude' exercise every night or every morning or both
And see how your attitude starts changing about your life.
The second tool is meditation. By meditation,
I'm not talking about some 'holier than thou' type of rigorous practice. I am talking about the simple act of sitting still and allowing yourself to open to your authentic self behind your everyday personality...opening to the self which is your human 'being-ness'.
There are many styles of meditation that I've tried, and I find the simplest one is merely closing the eyes and observing the gentle rise and fall of the breath, known to some as Insight Meditation or Vipassana.
Focus attention on your heart area and observe the subtle motion of expansion and release of your breath. It can be helpful to inwardly say to yourself. 'in' and 'out' as you watch the flow of your breath.
If you find yourself being distracted by some other pain or irritation or sensation, merely notice it and name it. For instance, if you notice your jaw feels tight, you might say, 'clenching, holding, tightening' or whatever sensation is presently rising.
You might feel your back aching, and you name the feeling, 'aching, aching, burning, burning, pulling, pulling, tightening, tightening', etc. What you will notice is that the dominant sensation will continually change and shift. The focus of your attention can rest on the dominant sensation, and when that fades away or shifts, gently return your attention to the breath, 'in, out'. You might then, for instance, become aware of someone rustling a paper, so you inwardly say, 'rustling, rustling'.
It's important to notice while meditating that the one doing all this observing, namely YOU, does not change and shift. YOU are always the same...it's your thoughts and sensations that constantly shift and change, not YOU.
As you continue this process, even for as little as five or ten minutes, a sense of peace, calm, and clarity begins to come into your awareness, even in the midst of stressful outer circumstances.
It is from this space that your most inspired and authentic self will voice itself.
Throughout the day, practice noticing yourself, that YOU behind all of the surface activity, the observer, the ONE that never changes. The one that is solid and steady and sure. This is your authentic self. This is the self that will guide you to more authentic activities and relationships. This is the self which is happy right where it is with whatever is happening on the outside.
This is the self that knows that the grass IS greener right here, right now and is enjoying the green pasture of the moment.
So, I encourage you to commit to appreciating your life as it is now, and to expressing gratitude and finding quiet times for meditation.
May we all fully enjoy our green grass here in New Zealand :-)
<< Articles index < How To Better Connect in Your Relationships | The Key to Successful Relationships >
Send to a friend