There's an easy process you can use to help you feel less like a victim and more able to change the course of your meetings.
It will help you to shift your frustration into constructive action instead of steaming silently or saying something in your impatience that you'll later regret.
It's a five-step process to increase your capacity to
assertively speak up, so others will listen rather than get defensive.
To remember this process, here's a memory-
enhancing phrase which you can use:
Beware or Feelings Will Really Rule! - BFWRR – Beware or
Feelings Will Really Rule!
Step 1: B stands for Behaviour
Step 2: F Feelings
Step 3: W Wants
Step 4: R Request
Step 5: R Result
BFWRR or Beware or Feelings will Really Rule
Let's look at an example of when stress could occur at a meeting. Perhaps the person leading the meeting is dominating
the discussion and not giving people enough time and space to
respond or contribute.
Step 1:
B - The first step is noticing the behaviour that is triggering your uncomfortable feeling. Share your observation about
that behaviour with the other person. Make an objective statement
that is factual – no evaluation or interpretation added.
"I notice that most of the time in this meeting has been spent by you telling us your perspective on the situation."
Step 2:
F - Express the feeling that is alive in you in response to
that behaviour:
"When you are talking to us without pausing to giving us time to
respond, I feel frustrated. (no blame… you are owning your own
feelings)
Step 3:
W - State what you Want
"I'm really wanting a sense of teamwork"
Step 4:
R - Make a specific Request
"Would you be willing to give us some more time to respond to the
issues you raised to make sure everyone's voice is heard?"
Step 5:
R - Communicate the positive Results you expect if the person
grants your request.
"If we have input from everyone here, I believe we'll have
more cooperation and support as well as a sense of teamwork
here."
By using this process, you are more likely to get a positive
response than if you either
a. held in your anger and felt resentful or
b. blew up at the person in frustration
This process can take some practice, so be easy on yourself
as you’re trying it out. As you get the feel for it, it will become
more and more comfortable. You'll begin to see the
results of your feeling more confident, calm, and centred at your
meetings.
For more tips, see sallymabelle.com/products for
information on the CD program 'Conscious Communication' which
offers other tools for mastering your
interactions in relationships. There are also courses
on the topic: See sallymabelle.com/events for the next 'conscious communication' event.
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